Sugar and Spice
by Asshatry
Summary: She has a huge crush on Negan and would do anything to make him happy. He misses the taste of real pumpkin pie, so she sets out to make it for him. (FLUFF/ANGST)


I had a really big crush on Negan.

Most the women lusted after him in one way or another, but my attraction to him was so much more than just sexual desire. Behind the brutal mask, I saw a glimpse of a man I desperately wanted to get to know better. But he never showed an interest in me. He was into the prettier girls; the ones that looked like models and movie stars. I knew he would never feel the same way about me.

That didn't stop me from getting close to him, in my own little way. I became his maid, and it was my duty to keep his personal room clean and bring him his daily meals. I was always very thorough with my cleaning, and I was never late to bring him his dinner. He never shouted at me the way he did with some of the others, but he didn't really seem to notice me either. I knew I should be grateful that I was unnoticed, rather than be on the man's bad side, but I wanted him so desperately to see me. It wasn't his fault; I had always been shy.

We hadn't lived at the Sanctuary very long. It had only been a few weeks since we started our community inside the factory, and it was only months after the outbreak. Negan was a very strict leader and had many rules to follow, and those who refused to obey didn't last very long.

One day when it was time for me to bring Negan his dinner, the kitchen staff handed me a silver tray with a plate full of pasta and another little plate with a slice of pumpkin pie on it. I carried the tray in both hands and headed to Negan's room while staring down at the slice. It made me think back to my family's farm where we had grown pumpkins to sell. They were extremely popular during this time of the month, in the fall, when everyone was excited for Halloween and Thanksgiving. We had just planted the seeds when the dead came back to life. I wondered if the pumpkins had grown without us tending to them. Sometimes nature survived better than we did.

I reached Negan's room and knocked three times, same as I always did. I placed my hand on the door knob and balanced the tray of food on my hip, waiting for his permission to enter.

"Come in!" a gravelly voice called out, and I proceeded inside. I pushed the door open with my hip and carried the tray through the door.

Negan was seated on his love-seat, looking over some papers. He was always very busy, and didn't even look up to see me bring in the food. I set it down on a little table in front of him and he glanced up at the contents of the tray. He set the papers down on the seat next to him and leaned over, taking the fork from the tray and scooping up some of the pumpkin pie. I stood there quietly, waiting for him to dismiss me like he usually did, but he shoveled the bite into his mouth and groaned in irritation.

"Have you tried this shit?" he asked, dropping the fork back onto his tray and glaring down at the slice of pie as if it had just insulted him.

I shook my head no and sucked in a breath. He rarely spoke to me, and when he did, I was always worried I would say the wrong thing. He should have known I wouldn't have tried the pie; almost every time there was dessert, his Saviors ended up getting all of it. The kitchen staff made sure to leave Negan something every time, but people like me were lucky to get a bite.

"It's made with that canned crap," he growled, shoving the pie off to the side and picking up the plate of pasta. "Most people can't tell the difference between this fucking shit and the real thing, but I can. And I fucking miss it. The taste of real pumpkin pie."

I stood there awkwardly without saying anything to him. I didn't know what to tell him. It wasn't like I could run to the grocery store and pick up some fresh ingredients. Things had changed, and we were lucky just to be alive.

Though, Negan had built something very good for all of us. If anyone deserved real pie, it was him.

Negan eyed me for a few moments and then shook his head.

"The fuck am I bitching to you about this for? You can go."

I nodded at his dismissal and turned to leave his bedroom. Already the wheels in my head were spinning.

I was getting an idea.

* * *

It had been a long time since I had left the Sanctuary and ventured outside. Negan had founded the factory only a few months before, and I had become very comfortable inside its walls. I was scared, but determined to make Negan happy.

I lied to the man stationed at the front gate and said I was just going out to join a scavenging team. Because I worked so closely with Negan, the guard didn't even question me and let me through. I figured I would be back before Negan even noticed I was gone.

My family's farm was only a few hours from where the Sanctuary was. Negan's men kept the surrounding woods fairly cleared out of walkers, and I felt confident that I wouldn't run into too much trouble during my little adventure. I brought a backpack with a little food and water, and my hunting knife. It had been a while since I had to kill a walker, but I made sure to pay attention to my surroundings and avoid any I ran into.

I walked down the highway for hours and looked around at all the empty fields that used to be filled with crops this time of year. The grass looked dead and brown, and I knew the temperature was going to continue to drop. I was grateful to live in a place like the Sanctuary where I could stay warm during the colder months.

After walking for almost two hours, I came to a familiar dirt road that led to my house. I took a deep breath and approached the big blue building, noting that the entire place looked untouched. My family was still alive, and Negan had sent them to an outpost to work that was miles away from the Sanctuary. I hadn't seen them in weeks, but I knew they were still alive. I wondered if they ever thought about coming back to our house. My father had said it wasn't safe to stay, but it looked just the same as the day we left.

I should have known better than to be optimistic about the house not being raided. As I walked through the front door, I noted that the living room furniture was all turned over. People had probably been desperately looking for weapons hiding behind the couches and chairs. They had no way of knowing that my father had brought all his guns with us and handed them over to Negan.

The picture frames were still hanging on the wall, and I smiled at the family portrait that was still hanging by the stairs. I wanted to reminisce and stay, but knew I couldn't spend too much time there. If I had my way, I would have packed everything up and taken it back to the Sanctuary, but my backpack wasn't big enough for these memories. Still, I wasn't about to miss the opportunity to grab some clothes.

I went up into my bedroom to see most my stuff had been overturned. My mattress was laying lopsided on the box spring and my dressers had been pulled out, with a few of them on the floor. My clothes were thrown everywhere throughout my room. I sighed and picked up the little bedside lamp that was on the floor, only to see it was broken. I dropped it back onto the floor and turned back to my closet, hoping some of my clothes had been untouched.

Fortunately for me, the clothes hanging inside were still there, and I picked out a few shirts and shoved them inside my backpack. I had another pair of sneakers inside my closet on the floor, and I put those into my bag as well. I turned back to my dresser and opened the top drawer, taking out a small bottle of my favorite perfume with me too.

I left my bedroom and looked over to where my parent's room was. I thought about going in and grabbing a few things for them, but I knew I was going to need some extra space in my backpack.

I went through the backdoor and into the pumpkin patch that was right inside our backyard. I was surprised to see that the pumpkins had actually grown, but were fairly small than what I was used to. Many of them didn't even look edible. I studied each one until I found a pumpkin that looked okay and fairly large. I took out my hunting knife and cut it away from the vine.

I looked up to see there was a walker walking towards my house in the distance. I removed my backpack, placed the pumpkin inside, zipped it up, and put it onto my back again.

I wanted to bring all of the pumpkins back to the Sanctuary with me, but I knew it was impossible. I decided I would surprise Negan, and then tell him about the rest of the pumpkins. He could send his men to my house to get the rest.

 _And he'll have pumpkin pie for a long time…_ I thought with a smile on my face.

I walked through my house and left through the front door without looking back.

I was about half way home when the sun started to set, and I started to get worried. I wasn't going to make it back in time to bring Negan his food. I was walking as fast as I could with the heavy bag on my back, and then I saw them.

There was an entire horde of walkers that was trudging down the main road. The pack was huge; there had to be at least a hundred of them. I dipped into the trees and hid in the brush as I waited for them to pass by me so I could continue on. As I watched their decaying bodies pass by, I clung to my backpack straps and steadied my breathing.

I was so completely focused on watching the horde that I didn't hear the sound of something creeping up behind me. It wasn't until I felt it grab my arm that I let out a yelp and spun around to see a walker was grabbing me. I pulled my arm away fast and backed away, reaching for my knife and stabbing it through the side of the head.

I backed up by a tree, and turned to see that a good chunk of the other walkers had heard me and were heading into the trees. I gripped my knife tightly and started to run, making sure to stay near the road. As I ran, I noticed there were more and more walkers appearing in the trees. I came to a complete halt before bumping into one, and I backed up from it. I looked behind me to see that the horde was advancing. They were on all sides, and I was completely surrounded.

I was just about the drop the backpack's extra weight and try to sprint away when the sound of gunfire drew my attention. It was close. Very close. My head snapped to the side, and I saw a truck come roaring down the road with men shooting at the horde. I threw my arms up so they would see I was a survivor and not a walker, and stepped out onto the main road.

I flinched as the walkers around me were gunned down, and the truck stopped right in front of me. A man got out of the driver's side door and approached me with his gun aimed down at the ground.

"The fuck are you doing out here?!" he demanded, as the other men got out of the truck and started gunning down the rest of the walkers. He was one of Negan's men, and I recognized him as soon as he approached me. These men were Saviors.

I didn't know what to tell him. I stood there awkwardly with my backpack draped over my shoulder and shrugged.

"Come on," he said, gesturing towards the truck. I nodded, and climbed into the truck bed, grateful to have a ride back home.

The drive back to the Sanctuary was much shorter than I anticipated. I had almost wished it had been longer, because I knew Negan was probably expecting his dinner right about then. I tried to focus on the backpack and the pumpkin sitting inside, and not the fact he was probably furious with me.

We reached the Sanctuary and I went straight to the kitchen. The staff knew me well because I brought Negan his food every day. I showed them the pumpkin, and they were very eager to use it. I asked if I could help make it and they agreed, saying it would be tomorrow's dessert. I was supposed to show up in the afternoon to help prepare it.

I was feeling very proud of my successful little trip and heading back to my room, when I saw someone come roaring around the corner. Negan looked pissed, and his eyes locked straight onto mine. I felt like a target, and he was a missile aimed straight at me.

"Where the _FUCK_ were you? Dinner was an _HOUR AGO_ and I had to send one of my wives to fetch it for me!"

"Sorry sir!" I stammered, hanging my head. "I went out with the scavenging team this morning."

"They got back hours ago!" he boomed, leaning in close to me, trying to read my face. He knew I was lying. I was busted.

"I had an extra errand to run," I confessed, still not brave enough to look him in the eye. I had never missed one of his meals, and now he would probably replace me with someone more reliable.

He was standing so close to me, and I tried not to shake. He smelled so good, and the close proximity was doing things to me. I should have been scared for my life, but his intimidation tactic was not only terrifying, but also intoxicating.

"You are _NOT_ allowed to leave the Sanctuary ever again. Do you understand me?"

I nodded and gulped.

"Dinner better be on time tomorrow, or I'll find someone else to do your job."

I kept nodding my head, and he backed up and walked away. I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh. I had thought this was going to be a great idea to surprise him, and instead I had disappointed him. _Dammit._

The next day I made sure to get my cleaning done right away and do a thorough job with it. Negan was out, which allowed me to relax while I cleaned his bedding and dusted his room. I would have been too nervous to have him looming over me.

Afternoon came, and I headed down to the kitchen. The staff welcomed me, and showed me they had already started the preparation for making the pumpkin pie. We had enough to bake two pies, and they had already gathered all the ingredients. I took the pumpkin and started the process of scooping out the seeds, and set them off to the side. We could bake some and plant the others. The idea of growing pumpkins at the Sanctuary made me smile.

We put the pumpkin inside the oven to bake, and I visited with the staff while it softened. They asked where I knew to get it from, and I explained that I had gone home and there were more pumpkins we could use. They all discussed the different dishes they'd be able to make with them.

Then it was time to purée the pumpkin. I took a blender and worked on that while the other staff created two pie crusts. We mixed all the ingredients together, and then put the pies in the oven. They thanked me for helping, and promised me they would leave me a piece. I told them not to worry about me, and just asked that Negan get his.

That night, Negan returned to the Sanctuary and was working in his room. I headed down to the kitchen to get him his dinner. The kitchen staff greeted me and explained that the pumpkin pie was a huge success. In fact, it was so popular that they only had one slice left: Negan's slice. They apologized profusely that they weren't able to save me one, but I told them not to worry about it. This whole thing wasn't about me anyways.

I carried the tray to his bedroom, and suddenly was feeling less confident about giving him the pie after our exchange in the hall the day before. He had been so angry with me, and I didn't want to upset him anymore than I already had.

I knocked on the door three times and was ordered to come in. I entered like I always did, carrying the tray and setting it down on the table in front of him. But unlike the other times, I could feel Negan's eyes on me as I approached him.

"Sit down," he ordered, and I froze in my place. I didn't think I had heard him right and was unmoving. It was uncomfortably quiet a few moments before he added, "I won't bite." He didn't sound very convincing.

I sat down in the chair across from him and looked down at the tray, still not able to make eye contact with him. I was so nervous my hands had started to shake. Why did he want me to stay?

He picked up the fork and pointed down at the little plate with the slice on it.

"I heard I have you to thank for this," he said while gesturing at the pie. "Everyone won't shut the fuck up about the _real_ pumpkin pie, so it must be some _really_ good shit."

I didn't respond, and tried to concentrate on my breathing. This was probably the most attention he had ever given me in the last twenty-four hours, and I hadn't realized how shy I was around him.

He cut off a piece, and lifted the bite up with his fork.

"Guess we'll find out if your little errand was worth it."

I hadn't planned on him knowing it was me that got the pumpkin. I had just wanted to see the happy look on his face when he took that bite. Now he knew, and everything hinged on the bite he was about to take. Time seemed to freeze as I watched him, unblinking.

He slipped the fork in between his lips, and I looked up to see his reaction, fighting the urge to avert my eyes like I always did. I had to know what he thought.

Negan closed his eyes and leaned back into his couch, chewing slowly. He moaned contently, and then swallowed. I didn't breathe the whole time he savored the taste. He sat up from the couch and started to cut off another bite with the fork.

"Hot fucking damn, darlin', that's some good pumpkin pie!"

He looked up from the plate, and I couldn't help but smile sheepishly at him. I was so proud of myself. Even if I had gotten caught, it had been well worth it to see him moan on that bite.

He ate a little more of it, and made little noises of approval as he chewed. I watched him with such a stupid smile on my face. He loved it.

"Did you get some?" he asked, gesturing down to the slice that was half way gone by then. I simply shook my head no. There wasn't any left, and I was okay with that. I didn't mind.

He furrowed his brows at my response, and then scooped up a bite and held the fork out to me. I stared at it in confusion, and then my eyes widened in surprise.

"I can't," I blurted, looking away and feeling my cheeks turn pink. It was his pie, not mine.

"Of course you fuckin' can!" Negan scooted over on his love-seat and patted the spot next to him. "Come over here."

It was an order, and I didn't want to defy him. But as I stood on shaky legs and crossed over to the floor to sit next to him, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I had never been so close to him before, and as I sat down, my thigh touched his.

My nervous reaction did not go unnoticed by Negan, who was smiling down in amusement at me. My face felt hot, and I looked up at him. He was holding the fork with the pumpkin pie resting on top of it right in front of my face. My eyes met his, and I opened my mouth to take the fork into my mouth.

He watched me intensely as I bit down onto the pie and closed my eyes. The sweet spices engulfed my taste-buds, and I hummed against the fork. I had always loved pumpkin pie, and there was something about this particular bite that tasted just like heaven. Maybe it was because it was from my family's pumpkin patch, or because of all the hard work I had put in just to make it. Or maybe it was because Negan was finally looking at me, my leg was touching his, and I had made this just for him.

He pulled the fork from my lips and I chewed the pie and swallowed quickly, reality hitting me hard and fast. I wasn't one of his wives and shouldn't have been having such an intimate moment with him. I looked away in embarrassment, and started to stand from the little couch.

"I need to go…" I mumbled, getting to my feet.

Negan's hand reached out and caught mine before I could step away. I turned to look down at where he was touching me so gently.

"Stay," he said. Another order, but this one sounded less like a command and more like a plea. I sat back down and willed my heartbeat to calm down.

"It means a lot to me that you would risk your life just so I could have some fucking pie." He was looking at me with such a strange look. It was softer than what I was used to seeing from him. I smiled a bit and shook my head, not able to keep my eyes on him.

"It's nothing," I murmured. I could hear my nervousness in my shaky voice. "There's plenty more pumpkins back at my family's house."

"Is that where you went? Back home?"

I nodded.

"That must have been hard for you to go back there." His voice sounded so much softer than usual, and I couldn't stop myself.

"I wanted to make you happy," I whispered, confessing so much in few words. He had to know how I felt about him. I was a nervous wreck sitting right next to him. I had risked my life going out for pumpkins just for him. My whole world revolved around Negan, and it had to be written all over my face.

Negan chuckled and stretched his arm out and draped it over my shoulder. I felt my entire body go stiff as he pulled me into him so I was leaning against him. My heart fluttered as he gently pulled me closer so my head was leaning against his body.

"Thanks, hun." He picked up the fork and took another bite of pie into his mouth. "This stuff's to die for."

I couldn't believe I was so close to him. I could smell the leather of his jacket, the soap on his skin, and the rich scent of a woodsy cologne. I breathed it in and sighed as I laid my head against him. I had to be dreaming.

"Want another taste?" he asked, setting the fork down onto the plate. I nodded and sat up, turning to face him, ready for my bite of pie.

Negan's hand went to my chin and he tilted my face up towards his, and before I knew it, his lips were pressing against mine. I was in such shock, that I didn't know what to do as I felt the stubble of his beard tickle my skin. Then, as I gained control of my body again, I kissed him back, letting my tongue delve into his mouth. I could taste the hint of cinnamon and nutmeg on his lips. As I explored him, he deepened the kiss and pulled me in closer. I let out a whimper and one of his hands slid into my hair and gripped me tightly.

When he pulled away, I opened my eyes and found he was smiling down at me.

"Mmmm, so sweet," he purred. I figured my cheeks would be a permanent shade of pink at this point, I was blushing so much. I had just kissed Negan. I couldn't believe it.

He leaned over and picked up the plate of pie. I did my best to relax as he pulled me back into his arms and offered me another bite. I accepted it gratefully.

And I hoped I could get even more of a taste of him for dessert.


End file.
